“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!”
- Bill Maher -
“Why do people act shocked whenever NASCAR drivers get into an accident what?! No! One minute he’s flying around an oil-slicked track at 200 mph, and the next minute: gone!”
- Bill Maher -
“Somali pirates, Gaddafi’s son, now Bin Laden – do NOT fuck with Obama, he’s Gangsta!!”
- Bill Maher -
“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'”
- Bill Maher -
“I don’t hate America. I love America. Thomas Jefferson lived in America. Mark Twain lived in America. So did Billie Holiday and Frank Lloyd Wright… and a lot of other people Sarah Palin never heard of.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what is ruining this country.”
- Bill Maher -
“It seems like we have to tax something, why not rich dead people? Of all the things you could tax; they don’t have any need for the money, on account of that whole being dead thing.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin finally heard what happened to Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami.”
- Bill Maher -
“Men are only as loyal as their options.”
- Bill Maher -
“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”
- Bill Maher -
“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”
- Bill Maher -
“Is it just me or does Times Square look like Tokyo now?”
- Bill Maher -
“Isn’t the problem that almost all Republicans are conservative, but not all Democrats are liberal?”
- Bill Maher -
“Wow just read Oxford Dictionary added OMG and LOL as words! WTF??”
- Bill Maher -
“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”
- Bill Maher -
“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”
- Bill Maher -
“What do you think would happen if tomorrow Obama showed up with Kanye’s crop circles shaved into his head? Stock market would lose 5,000 pts.”
- Bill Maher -
“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”
- Bill Maher -
“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”
- Bill Maher -
“Laura Bush coming out for gay marriage! I guess if you’re married to W for 30 yrs you know you don’t have to be gay to have sex with an asshole.”
- Bill Maher -