“Laura Bush coming out for gay marriage! I guess if you’re married to W for 30 yrs you know you don’t have to be gay to have sex with an asshole.”
- Bill Maher -
“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”
- Bill Maher -
“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!”
- Bill Maher -
“The BP oil spill is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.”
- Bill Maher -
“There’s a reason small towns are small. No one wants to live there.”
- Bill Maher -
“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”
- Bill Maher -
“Over half of Republicans believe in Creationism – for those too young to recall, they didn’t used to be the party of ignorance-what happened?”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin visited Israel and stood at the Wailing Wall and said ‘I stood here for 45 minutes and didn’t see one whale.'”
- Bill Maher -
“To really understand how whack religion is, you have to look at the new religions– which for this country is Mormons and Scientologists. Who I think should merge and make Mormontology.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin, a reporter asked what she liked most about Hong Kong and she said, ‘The part at the end when he climbs the Empire State Building.'”
- Bill Maher -
“I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws? “
- Bill Maher -
“Tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people.”
- Bill Maher -
“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”
- Bill Maher -
“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”
- Bill Maher -
“We fear different things. I fear climate change. They fear a demon in a red bodysuit… with a pitchfork.”
- Bill Maher -
“It is being reported that a third of the world watched the royal wedding – and yet they claim gays are only 3 pct of population?”
- Bill Maher -
“Is it just me or does Times Square look like Tokyo now?”
- Bill Maher -
“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin finally heard what happened to Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami.”
- Bill Maher -
“Men are only as loyal as their options.”
- Bill Maher -