“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'”
- Bill Maher -
“We owe China a trillion dollars. I opened a fortune cookie the other day, it said, ‘Pay up, deadbeat.'”
- Bill Maher -
“Michelle Bachman for President. As a comedian, all I can say is, where can I donate to this cause?”
- Bill Maher -
“It is being reported that a third of the world watched the royal wedding – and yet they claim gays are only 3 pct of population?”
- Bill Maher -
“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!”
- Bill Maher -
“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”
- Bill Maher -
“Why are decent citizens still being jailed for smoking the wrong plant, easing the suffering of the terminally ill, or accepting cash for sex instead of the customary dinner and drinks?”
- Bill Maher -
“Wow just read Oxford Dictionary added OMG and LOL as words! WTF??”
- Bill Maher -
“Laura Bush coming out for gay marriage! I guess if you’re married to W for 30 yrs you know you don’t have to be gay to have sex with an asshole.”
- Bill Maher -
“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”
- Bill Maher -
“I don’t hate America. I love America. Thomas Jefferson lived in America. Mark Twain lived in America. So did Billie Holiday and Frank Lloyd Wright… and a lot of other people Sarah Palin never heard of.”
- Bill Maher -
“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what is ruining this country.”
- Bill Maher -
“Tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people.”
- Bill Maher -
“Is it just me or does Times Square look like Tokyo now?”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin, a reporter asked what she liked most about Hong Kong and she said, ‘The part at the end when he climbs the Empire State Building.'”
- Bill Maher -
“Every asshole who ever chanted ‘Drill baby drill’ should have to report to the Gulf coast today for cleanup duty”
- Bill Maher -
“There was a revolution in the Arab country of Tunisia. Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids”
- Bill Maher -
“State of Union speeches – always remind me of the old Ed Sullivan show: something for everybody! The Beatles, Kate Smith, a fucking juggler”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin on her Facebook page said she still believes in death panels. You know what, Sarah, if we were going to get rid of useless people, you would be the first to know.”
- Bill Maher -