“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”
- Bill Maher -
“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”
- Bill Maher -
“State of Union speeches – always remind me of the old Ed Sullivan show: something for everybody! The Beatles, Kate Smith, a fucking juggler”
- Bill Maher -
“There was a revolution in the Arab country of Tunisia. Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids”
- Bill Maher -
“We fear different things. I fear climate change. They fear a demon in a red bodysuit… with a pitchfork.”
- Bill Maher -
“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”
- Bill Maher -
“It is being reported that a third of the world watched the royal wedding – and yet they claim gays are only 3 pct of population?”
- Bill Maher -
“Tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people.”
- Bill Maher -
“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin on her Facebook page said she still believes in death panels. You know what, Sarah, if we were going to get rid of useless people, you would be the first to know.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin finally heard what happened to Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami.”
- Bill Maher -
“To really understand how whack religion is, you have to look at the new religions– which for this country is Mormons and Scientologists. Who I think should merge and make Mormontology.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what is ruining this country.”
- Bill Maher -
“Laura Bush coming out for gay marriage! I guess if you’re married to W for 30 yrs you know you don’t have to be gay to have sex with an asshole.”
- Bill Maher -
“The Real Axis of Evil in America is the Genius of our marketing and the gullibility of our people”
- Bill Maher -
“Somali pirates, Gaddafi’s son, now Bin Laden – do NOT fuck with Obama, he’s Gangsta!!”
- Bill Maher -
“There’s a reason small towns are small. No one wants to live there.”
- Bill Maher -
“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'”
- Bill Maher -
“Why do people act shocked whenever NASCAR drivers get into an accident what?! No! One minute he’s flying around an oil-slicked track at 200 mph, and the next minute: gone!”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin visited Israel and stood at the Wailing Wall and said ‘I stood here for 45 minutes and didn’t see one whale.'”
- Bill Maher -