“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”
- Bill Maher -
“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”
- Bill Maher -
“Over half of Republicans believe in Creationism – for those too young to recall, they didn’t used to be the party of ignorance-what happened?”
- Bill Maher -
“We owe China a trillion dollars. I opened a fortune cookie the other day, it said, ‘Pay up, deadbeat.'”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin, a reporter asked what she liked most about Hong Kong and she said, ‘The part at the end when he climbs the Empire State Building.'”
- Bill Maher -
“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'”
- Bill Maher -
“Tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people.”
- Bill Maher -
“State of Union speeches – always remind me of the old Ed Sullivan show: something for everybody! The Beatles, Kate Smith, a fucking juggler”
- Bill Maher -
“It seems like we have to tax something, why not rich dead people? Of all the things you could tax; they don’t have any need for the money, on account of that whole being dead thing.”
- Bill Maher -
“Men are only as loyal as their options.”
- Bill Maher -
“Somali pirates, Gaddafi’s son, now Bin Laden – do NOT fuck with Obama, he’s Gangsta!!”
- Bill Maher -
“We fear different things. I fear climate change. They fear a demon in a red bodysuit… with a pitchfork.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin on her Facebook page said she still believes in death panels. You know what, Sarah, if we were going to get rid of useless people, you would be the first to know.”
- Bill Maher -
“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin finally heard what happened to Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami.”
- Bill Maher -
“When you tolerate intolerance, you are not really being a liberal.”
- Bill Maher -
“Isn’t the problem that almost all Republicans are conservative, but not all Democrats are liberal?”
- Bill Maher -
“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!”
- Bill Maher -
“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”
- Bill Maher -
“Wow just read Oxford Dictionary added OMG and LOL as words! WTF??”
- Bill Maher -