“Sarah Palin on her Facebook page said she still believes in death panels. You know what, Sarah, if we were going to get rid of useless people, you would be the first to know.”
- Bill Maher -
“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”
- Bill Maher -
“Michelle Bachman for President. As a comedian, all I can say is, where can I donate to this cause?”
- Bill Maher -
“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”
- Bill Maher -
“Over half of Republicans believe in Creationism – for those too young to recall, they didn’t used to be the party of ignorance-what happened?”
- Bill Maher -
“Somali pirates, Gaddafi’s son, now Bin Laden – do NOT fuck with Obama, he’s Gangsta!!”
- Bill Maher -
“Isn’t the problem that almost all Republicans are conservative, but not all Democrats are liberal?”
- Bill Maher -
“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”
- Bill Maher -
“The BP oil spill is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.”
- Bill Maher -
“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”
- Bill Maher -
“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”
- Bill Maher -
“Why do people act shocked whenever NASCAR drivers get into an accident what?! No! One minute he’s flying around an oil-slicked track at 200 mph, and the next minute: gone!”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin finally heard what happened to Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami.”
- Bill Maher -
“What do you think would happen if tomorrow Obama showed up with Kanye’s crop circles shaved into his head? Stock market would lose 5,000 pts.”
- Bill Maher -
“Tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people.”
- Bill Maher -
“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”
- Bill Maher -
“Why are decent citizens still being jailed for smoking the wrong plant, easing the suffering of the terminally ill, or accepting cash for sex instead of the customary dinner and drinks?”
- Bill Maher -
“George Bush, compared to these tea baggers, he looks like a professor.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what is ruining this country.”
- Bill Maher -
“State of Union speeches – always remind me of the old Ed Sullivan show: something for everybody! The Beatles, Kate Smith, a fucking juggler”
- Bill Maher -