“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”
- Bill Maher -
“Why are decent citizens still being jailed for smoking the wrong plant, easing the suffering of the terminally ill, or accepting cash for sex instead of the customary dinner and drinks?”
- Bill Maher -
“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”
- Bill Maher -
“There was a revolution in the Arab country of Tunisia. Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids”
- Bill Maher -
“Michelle Bachman for President. As a comedian, all I can say is, where can I donate to this cause?”
- Bill Maher -
“The Real Axis of Evil in America is the Genius of our marketing and the gullibility of our people”
- Bill Maher -
“Every asshole who ever chanted ‘Drill baby drill’ should have to report to the Gulf coast today for cleanup duty”
- Bill Maher -
“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”
- Bill Maher -
“We owe China a trillion dollars. I opened a fortune cookie the other day, it said, ‘Pay up, deadbeat.'”
- Bill Maher -
“Laura Bush coming out for gay marriage! I guess if you’re married to W for 30 yrs you know you don’t have to be gay to have sex with an asshole.”
- Bill Maher -
“George Bush, compared to these tea baggers, he looks like a professor.”
- Bill Maher -
“Somali pirates, Gaddafi’s son, now Bin Laden – do NOT fuck with Obama, he’s Gangsta!!”
- Bill Maher -
“We fear different things. I fear climate change. They fear a demon in a red bodysuit… with a pitchfork.”
- Bill Maher -
“I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws? “
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin visited Israel and stood at the Wailing Wall and said ‘I stood here for 45 minutes and didn’t see one whale.'”
- Bill Maher -
“What do you think would happen if tomorrow Obama showed up with Kanye’s crop circles shaved into his head? Stock market would lose 5,000 pts.”
- Bill Maher -
“There’s a reason small towns are small. No one wants to live there.”
- Bill Maher -
“Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what is ruining this country.”
- Bill Maher -
“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”
- Bill Maher -
“Is it just me or does Times Square look like Tokyo now?”
- Bill Maher -